6) I said YES!

During my first year or so of grief, I avoided any reminders of the life that John was denied. I said no to anything to do with comedy, LA, or his film school.

But when January 2021 rolled around, I noticed a sudden shift.

It all started one Saturday morning when my dad invited me to go to the library with him. I wandered around for a bit before finally gravitating towards the writing aisle. I pulled a book about screenwriting off the shelf and skimmed through it. The book featured hundreds of tips and exercises from some of the top screenwriting professors, many of whom taught at John’s school.  
I felt incredibly connected to John.

I continued reading more books about writing and memoirs of successful comedians and filmmakers. Eventually I decided to finally read Shonda Rhimes’ book Year of Yes in which she describes how she decided to say yes to things that scared her for one year. 

I wondered what would happen if I embraced this fearless approach.

I was tired of sitting on the bench in this game of life, just watching everyone else get to play.

And I knew exactly what I had to do to stop from sitting.

Stand-up.

We celebrated John’s birthday with a Hollywood themed brunch. After everyone ate and was gathered in one room I stood up and held the remote control in my hand. 

Everyone looked at each other unsure of what I was about to do.

I cleared my throat.

And then proceeded to perform my very own stand up.

I was shaking the entire time.

I knew my writing was solid but considering how nervous I was just in front of my family, I figured I should just stick to writing.

A few weeks later I was reading an obituary (I knew the person-I wasn’t just reading for fun) and it got me thinking about my own obituary. (Sorry so morbid I know)

What would they one day write about me?

It was time to start doing the things I was born to do.

The things that would make my life unique and fulfilling and meaningful-I would do them no matter how scary they might seem.

I started seriously working on Joking John.  By this point I knew I wanted Joking John to be a Middle Grade Novel so I started doing research on that genre.

I signed up for a writing class at my local community college but since we were still in the midst of the pandemic, the class was canceled due to low enrollment.

I then subscribed to Masterclass which is an online education platform featuring videos from experts in various fields.  They offered a writing class taught by Judy Blume, the queen of Middle Grade Novels.

Judy Blume’s class was the one I wanted. But when I was browsing all the other classes, I found the one I needed.

Steve Martin Teaches Comedy.

Each day as I drove home from work all I could think about was how lucky I was to learn from him. His enthusiasm for comedy was contagious. I felt like he was sitting in my living room. Just the two of us having a conversation. Taking that class reignited my desire to perform. 

For real this time.

Learning from experts in my living room was fun. (Not only did I take Judy and Steve’s classes, I eventually did Judd Apatow’s and Shonda Rhimes’ classes as well)  But by Spring I decided it was time to try to take a class with other classmates.

I found a Writing Kid Lit class. It was held on Zoom and it was offered to those writing children’s books, Middle Grade novels, or Young Adult novels.

Each week we had to have one chapter of our book prepared for class. A classmate would read our chapter (so that we could listen to it) and then the entire class would give the writer feedback. 

One week when it was my turn to receive feedback on my chapter a classmate said to me, “This is really funny. Are you a stand up comedian?”

I smiled and replied, “Oh I wish.”

Once class was over I immediately texted my grandma who then told my dad. When he saw me the next day he said, “Jax, I hear you’re next Lenny Bruce.”

“Oh I don’t know about that.”

I do know about that. I’m definitely not the next Lenny Bruce.

But I knew I was on my own distinctive path.

I enjoyed the class but I desperately wanted something in person. 

We all have those in our lives who we trust, who we can turn to at any time and know that they will steer us in the right direction. 

For me, it's Google.

I once again googled writing classes and randomly found a place in NYC that also offered a Stand Up comedy class. I watched the video. I knew I could do that. But of course classes were on hold.  

Why couldn’t there be any classes near me? And in person?

I was disappointed and told myself I’d have to wait until things started opening back up again.

But I was tired of waiting. 

As I was closing my laptop I thought about doing one more Google search.

I closed my laptop.

Opened it back up.

Closed it. 

Finally I reopened.

Let me just give it a shot.

And so I googled, “Comedy classes near me.”  Maybe there was another place, probably in the city, that had in person classes.

I looked at the screen in front of me and blinked a few times. There’s no way what I saw could be true.  

Unbeknownst to me, there was a comedy club a few towns over.

And it offered a Beginner's Comedy Class. 

In person. 

I was basically jumping up and down on my couch while reading the website. It was a six week class and in the seventh week you “graduate” and perform for a live audience.

For a year and a half all I wanted was one chance to perform.  

I finally found it. 

I opened a new tab and sent the most important email of my life.

Good evening,

I saw on your website that you are offering a Beginner Comedy Class this summer. I am interested in registering for that class. How do I officially sign up?

  Thanks!!

Jacqueline 

A very nice woman wrote back providing me with more information on the class. She concluded the email by saying  “let me know if you’re interested and I’ll reserve a spot for you”.

I replied, in all caps-

YES.

I finally said yes to life.