16) Making Memories

A valuable lesson I learned during the pandemic was how valuable it is to have a strong morning routine.

I start each day with yoga followed by mediation, affirmations, and a gratitude journal. 

After all that I then do what I think is the most important thing for me to have a good day. 

I look at the huge photo I have of John hanging on my living room wall and say “today’s for you”.

It is my favorite picture of the two of us.

I look at it and smile.

I’m reminded that inside that frame is a beautiful past.

John was beyond anyone I could have dreamt of meeting.  My time with him is without a doubt my favorite memory that lives on inside my heart each day.

I truly believe that by saying “today’s for you” helps me live each day intentionally, even on the toughest of days, and has helped lead me to where I am today. 

And the week leading up to my theater show was full of tough days.

Grandma’s recovery was not going to plan. She’d have to prolong her stay in the hospital for much longer than expected. Things were not looking great.

I was so sad for my grandma that I didn't have the enthusiasm that I normally have leading up to a show.

I started overthinking my material. 

I became indecisive with what to choose from my setlist.

I did not feel motivated.

I did not feel ready.

Doubt crept in.

What I had to do was hard.

But I had to do it.

I had to do it first and foremost for John who died way too soon and lost all the many opportunities he would’ve had if he was still alive.

I had to do it for my grandma who was born too soon and never got a fraction of these opportunities that I have.

And I had to do it for me. 

Luckily I bought a new black dress for the show to go with my Converse sneakers.

Again I knew I had the perfect outfit. But I was disappointed that not as many people would get to see it.

Being asked to perform in a theater show is a huge deal. Which is why I was bummed when I realized it was the same night as my cousin’s birthday(and St. Patrick’s Day weekend!). I knew missing her birthday was one of those sacrifices I’d have to make, but I was also a little sad that many of my family members would not be able to attend my big show. I’d like to think a few would’ve skipped the party if it weren’t for one thing-March Madness. 

I understood that in the hierarchy of my family St. Peter’s Cinderella Story comes before me.

Fortunately my parents decided to attend my show. My dad managed to wait until I was offstage to check the game for updates.

When we pulled into my parking lot I saw a group of my friends standing there. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. They had supported me unconditionally throughout my journey and were now here to celebrate this moment with me. I got out of the car and ran over to them. Knowing that they would be sitting in the front row calmed my nerves. 

As we walked towards the door I stopped, taken aback by what was hanging on the front door of the theater. 

Me. 

It was a 24 X 32 printout of the show flyer with my headshot on it. 

What a night this was shaping out to be.  

It was the biggest show of my life.

And I performed, in my opinion, my worst set ever.

Maybe it was just the audience.

The feature act went on after me. That’s when I realized it was not the audience. It was me. Because he had that entire theater folded over in laughter.  He’s definitely one the most talented and entertaining comedians I’ve ever worked with.

[If you’d like to see for yourself just how amazing he is then when you’re done reading this, go to my Upcoming Events and buy tickets for my show on March 31st because I’ll be performing with him again!]

I was unhappy with my set that night but it will still be an experience that I remember forever. I am grateful to work with those talented comedians who I learned so much from.

As down as I felt, I thought I’d escape the night relatively unscathed until at one point backstage one of the comedian’s girlfriend popped in. I managed to hold it together the whole way home but the second I arrived home I let it all out. It was one of those nights when I was faced with a reminder that I'm not supposed to be the one performing. I should be the one popping in backstage wishing John luck.

However, I did not leave that show empty handed.

After the show we all walked out to the main lobby and stopped to chat right in front of the concession stand.

It was at that moment that my good friend Fay turned to the young man working the concessions and whispered something to him.

He looked at me and nodded.

Then he turned to the wall behind him and began to peel off one of the 16x 24 flyers with my picture on it. He carefully rolled it up and handed it over to me.

It now sits in a frame in my living room.

Now each morning when I unroll my yoga mat ready to start a new day, I also look at that photo and smile.

And I'm reminded that beyond that frame is an exciting future. 

Memories, I can’t even dream of,  waiting for me to be made.