20)To Be Continued…

In the weeks leading up to Jersey’s Funniest Female Festival I had one critical decision to make.

What material will I go with?

Do I save my best material if I make it to the final round?

Or do I use it earlier to guarantee that I advance?

I gave it some thought and it ended up being an easy decision.

If I was only guaranteed one round then I had to go with my material involving John for that round. He got me into this world of comedy. The least I could do is keep him a part of it. 

That morning I also decided that regardless of how I did at the festival it was time to start sharing my story.  It was time to create this blog.

It was an exciting yet scary adventure.

The first few Tuesdays that I posted a blog entry, I had trouble sleeping through the night. I’d lay there worrying and wondering what people thought of it.

I consider myself a private person so it was not easy posting a weekly blog about the most difficult experience of my life. But it has made such a difference in my healing.

I’ve enjoyed sharing with you what life has been like these past few years. I originally intended to tell my story starting with John’s death leading up to the Festival.

The good news is that I have so many other exciting adventures and opportunities heading my way both professionally and personally. 

The bad news is that I need time to focus on those.

As a result it’s time to press pause on the blog.

This is not a series finale. But a season finale.

Life continues to evolve and I look forward to filling you in on everything during Season 2 of the blog.

I’m incredibly grateful for all of your support along the way.

I’ve had so many people reach out to me over these past few months as a result of the blog.  Week after week my inbox would be filled with messages from all over the country.

But the one message I received that stands out to me the most came from a fellow WBM. (Widow Before Marriage)

It was about a month into her own journey of grief.

She wrote: “Your words pretty much describe my current horror, but it’s good to know that it’s survivable.”

I think back to that day back in November 2019. I remember telling one of my best friends “I’m not going to survive this.”

I guess I ended up doing a little more than survive.

I've come a long way. But I still have a long way to go.

When I collapsed to the ground that November my heart shattered. The cracks are still there but it is through those cracks that John’s love is able to pour out into this world.

I still don’t have any of the answers.

I don’t know why things had to happened. I don’t know why his life had to be cut so short.

But I do know a few things.

I know that I was lucky to love someone so special.

I know love is stronger than fear.

I know that love never dies.

And I know life will continue to give laughter.

There’s still a lot of work left for me to do.

This is not the end. 

Not a farewell. 

But a to be continued…