12)Yes…And

In the week leading up to my first class, I wanted to learn as much about Improv as I possibly could. I browsed the shelves of my local library and ordered a few books off Amazon. 

I wanted to be prepared.

One of the first rules of Improv I learned-don’t prepare.

But the biggest rule was the concept of Yes…And.

No matter what your partner says or does you accept it, add to it, and the scene evolves.

You have to trust that the scene will expand.

I didn’t fully comprehend the concept considering I’ve never performed Improv yet. But I already like the idea as a life lesson. 

I would continue to say yes to things that life was throwing my way and building off of it.

Even with all the reading I did I was still nervous. I contacted the comedy school and double checked to make sure that I didn’t need a background in Improv. The class description just didn’t seem like a beginner’s course. I was told I’d be fine.

On the day of my first class as soon as I got home from work I quickly got changed and drove to New York.  It was a rainy day causing more traffic than usual. I scouted the area ahead of time and knew there was an Italian takeout place down the street where I could eat dinner before class. (See sometimes it’s good to be prepared) I ate my salad, did some last minute reading on Improv, and headed to class. 

When I walked in I was faced with one of my biggest fears. Going somewhere new and being the only one who didn’t know anyone else. Considering most everyone was from that area, they all knew each other. This only increased my anxiety. Finally I spotted someone I did a show with the summer before and went over to say hi. 

The instructor started class by making us all go around and give a brief intro. Sure enough I was one of the only ones without any Improv experience.

We were called up one by one to do a solo scene as a warmup. I was the second one called up and pleasantly surprised by my performance. It wasn’t anything spectacular but I survived. 

But as I watched everyone else do their solo scenes I realized that not only was everyone else experienced, but they were good. Incredibly talented.

As the night went on my anxiety grew with each scene. I was thinking too much. I’d freeze mid scene. I couldn’t relax and just be in the moment. I feared that I would ruin a scene and no one would want to be in a scene with me. Even though the instructor complimented me at the end of the class, I felt like a failure. I jumped in my car and cried most of the way home.

I like to think that if I started with a true beginner’s class I would have done well with Improv. But I also think I know I'm more of a writer. I like preparation. I like knowing where everything is going. Sure most girls at some point during childhood dream of growing up to be an actress. But the adult in me dreamt of writing sketches and scripts. Why couldn’t I find a class for that?

As I continued crying down the Garden State Parkway, I thought about not going back next week.  I was almost even mad at John for making me do this. (Almost.)

But there had to be a reason why he wanted me to take this class. I had enough trust in him to stick it out. 

So I decided I’d go back. But this time I’d be more prepared. (I know the last thing you're supposed to do for Improv)

I spend most of my day using the left side of my brain.  I needed a way to tap into the right side. 

I started doing tasks that would loosen things up.

I wrote my name backwards and upside down.

I drank my coffee out of a bowl.

I wore orange.

Things had to go better the second week.

And they did.

Slightly. 

I was starting to get the hang of things, but during the last class I almost broke down in tears during one of my scenes. I could easily say I’m not feeling well and just leave. But I rallied and I gave my strongest performance in my last scene. 

Improv was fun but I knew in my heart it wasn’t something I necessarily wanted to pursue. I didn’t want to act in scenes. I wanted to write scenes.

Towards the end of class the instructor gave us a five minute break. As I sat there I kept my head down with my gaze on my shoes. Why did John want me to take this class? Just for some personal growth? Probably not. To prove that I can survive something scary? No, I've already been doing that ever since the day he died. 

I said Yes to this class. Where was my And?

As break was winding down, the instructor was ready to begin the last portion of the class.

“Oh by the way,” he began,  “I just want to mention that since I’ll be on the East Coast for a little longer, I decided to run a Comedy Writing for Stage, TV, and Film class.” 

Immediately my head jolted up.

First I said yes. 

Then I had to trust.

 And now my life had just expanded.